Do you live Vicariously?
Do you live vicariously?
The is the definition of Vicarious from the Collins dictionary
vicariousin British English
Do you do any of the following?
- Reading about or watching others live your dreams instead of reaching them yourself.
- Spending lots of time on social media wishing you had what others have.
- Dictating what hobbies or interests your children or loved ones take part in.
- Encouraging others to take chances you won’t.
- Actively seek celebrity gossip.
- Binge watching reality TV.
- Becoming intensely interested in characters from television, movies, or books.
If so, you are living vicariously.
Living vicariously through someone is not usually done on purpose. What we perceive as good intentions can easily turn into vicarious living.
The way society as gone over the last 10 to 20 years with
reality TV and the celebrity gossip this as become an easy trap to fall into.
When you Live life through someone else’s experiences rather
than being a part of the events yourself is living vicariously. Immersing
yourself in someone else’s world and emotionally or mentally making their
achievements and setbacks your own. It allows you to experience rewards without
having to risk your own failures.
You tap into the feeling of achievement without putting in
the work that allows you to avoid the risk of failure. It lets you explore
personas and lifestyles you do not have in real life and allows you to navigate
the world through a different perspective without committing to any big
changes. Living vicariously lets you have countless new experiences while
staying in your comfort zone.
Living vicariously can be dangerous because it takes away from
the happiness and satisfaction that you should feel when thinking about your own
life.
The following are examples of vicarious living
Over the years, I have seen parents who would be encouraging
their children to do the activities they wanted to achieve in their life. Which
did involve a lot of pressure on the child and sometimes feeling their parents
will shout at them if they did not perform.
Example 2: You have begun to spend a large amount of time on
social media. You tend to look at the profile of your friends and you watch
their travels. This makes you feel like your life is less significant and takes
away from your happiness.
Is Living Vicariously Common?
You Become Dependent
Living vicariously can cause you to become too dependent on
others when it comes to happiness and fulfilment in life. When your life only
has meaning in the accomplishments of others, you are leaving your happiness and
meaning in the hands of someone else. Because of this, you lose your sense of
independence as well as your confidence and ability to navigate day- to-day life
on your own.
You Ignore What You Can Do
When you become obsessed with the experiences of others, you
can easily miss what matters most to you. Your attention becomes wrapped up in
someone else, and you may neglect all of the abilities, gifts, and talents that
you personally bring to the table.
You Develop Excuses
If someone else is doing all the hard work and you are
holding onto their emotional reward, why should you put in any effort toward
your own happiness? When you are living vicariously through others, it becomes
easy to put off working toward your own goals.
You Give Others a Sense of Obligation
When you live vicariously through someone close to you, you
can inadvertently create goals and aspirations they feel they must meet. When
this happens, you take away their sense of purpose and give it to yourself.
Your loved one may be hurt and left with an understanding that the emotional
needs of others are more important than their own.
How To Stop Living Vicariously Through Others
Remember Who You Are
Celebrate Your Accomplishments
Do you celebrate your accomplishments in life? Like a milestone event like graduating from school or raising your children. We have to remember to acknowledge day-to-day successes too, such as getting in a morning workout or eating a healthy lunch. Anything that you feel proud of should be recognised as an accomplishment. Take time to meditate or write in a journal about what this accomplishment means to you, how its impacted your life and how it feels.
Grieve What You Lost
If you feel there are opportunities in life that you have missed out on, it is okay to feel upset. It is important to get in touch with your feelings and give yourself time to work through them. Try to put a positive spin on your feelings by considering all of the opportunities in life you did have, not merely focusing on the experience you may have lost.
Log off social media
Signing off social media for some time may help you regain a realistic perspective about the people around you. Rarely do others share the true nature of their setbacks, struggles, and negative experiences.
Remember that what you see on social media is not a true reflection of who they are.
Is living vicariously a bad thing?
I recommend that you truly live life for yourself and no one else but that does not mean in anyway that living vicariously is a bad thing. If you live vicariously through others because you don’t believe in yourself and your abilities that could be a problem that you might need to address.
If however you are living vicariously through someone because you absolutely respect them and they are the perfect role model then that is just a healthy way to be and will add value to your life.
Action to take STOP - Explore are you living vicariously. How are you going to change it?
To get support to explore and break the cycle and start to take action living your own life - contact Jo I am ready to STOP and explore
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